Leviathan of Loathe. Stream of Consciousness.
I use the gambling metaphor most as my indefinite conclusion is a 'coin flip' universe. I just imagined I could one day, game (subvert) the coin flip, by finding the moment the multiverse holds the coin in perfect balance neither up not down in all dimensions.
First law of time travel is to not make a choice and leave the infinite open.
Two women at the cafe. One voluptuous Taurus that loved showing off the fact she had to re-straighten her crotch elastic underwear position in front of me, while waiting seated at the table opposite the servery. Across the table directly was an indian woman cute 20 something they seemed to be friends with a big order. She then went over in front of me bent over full rump in tights to get a newspaper at the base of the servery. They sat together, discussed their star signs and referred to each as darling.
I grasped my order of coffee and wished I had not been born a digital enunch.
But left the 'No' decision open for the universe and infinity to enjoy the moment where they, like cats, had wanted to dazzle my day with all they had to offer, as if sensing the blood of lonliness in the ether. The old customers mostly retired women and men stared eyes wider than saucers at some non local leaving their store.
Bhakti Bhakti.... if only there were a 4th dimension for that as well.
I could not reach a stasis with a 'NO' threat seems to be the forerunner of a dreamy life of infinite possibilities.
Some of us are born with a career.
Some just energy, some just wondering.
All but a taste as our energy is finite in different degrees and levels.
Some of us, broken by wars,
most broken by the war within ourselves.
Yet in driving back into the internet, something smouldering like an unexploded grenade in the coal heaps, reminded me of a war that hardens one's soul into fears void crucible.
The bullets of misaligned hate fizz past everyone's mortal parts that unknowingly walk alongside death for god, glory and country alike. Yet we all sit in warm clothes snug on a couch with a screen watching 4K videos of the war to keep the banks from failing. Each drone sales plummet with each bomb dropped makes the red line rises.
I think sometimes of my friend from the coldest place in the world joined the army in 2019 and the last message email before the Ukraine war started was that he was shoveling snow off tanks. In other words he was being blooded into the start of the bottom of the realm of war and armed conflict life. I made his picture of doing paintball shooting gear on to the front cover of no lives matter and sent him a t-shirt that cost a small fortune to post to Russia.
Anyway, as nihilistic as friends you would expect living in a place with no sun and a death wish there was at least communication. I guess as his last post 1 year ago he stated "already dead." I sense he is just another number in the war machine... and they have no way of using comms
while the fog of war drifts from country to country.
Spasiba Comrade
POSTSCIPT - By Sir Julian Montague.
you grasped your the count of monte christo still tunnelling your way from one mind cell to another, deep down when things seem loaded against us resentments arise, the Edmond Dantè in us wants revenge, and then when he least expects it the tunnel opens up to a sense of greater clarity, in the novel Edmond finds solace in the company of an old sage, in life the sage is one’s own inner peace, higher self, because no one can save us, no one can complete our mission, the wisdom has to come from within…and yet even when Edmond obtained the riches of the world still he sought revenge and would have destroyed himself if Mercedes his beloved had not opened his heart to forgiveness…
By the way your perception of yourself is fatally flawed, and yet that’s the very impediment you seem to need to get you to where you need to go, it might even be an inspired strategy, elsewhere it’s a font of creative depth and insight, unwelcome from a conventional perspective but that’s art right, it’s reviled until its acclaimed.